Yo Peeps! Mr. Rizzle Be da Teacher a da Month!

I was surprised last week by a phone call from our local pop hip-pop station. I was wary when the guy on the other end of the line identified himself as being from 98.5 KLUC; had my closet love of all things gangsta been somehow leaked to press?

Fortunately not. Instead, he was calling to inform me that one of my students had entered me in the station's "Teacher of the Month" contest and he needed to know when it was convenient for him to come down to the school and pass me a plaque and say a few words. We decided on last Tuesday morning, when the student who wrote the winning essay would also be in my class.

I got my plaque and the student and I got a coupon for a free sandwich at a chain sub store. Furthermore, I am automatically entered the Teacher of the Year competition sponsored by Southwest Airlines, Nevada Power, and Nevada State Bank, and Findlay Toyota. Airline tickets are definitely on the table, although I'd just as soon have a break from my summer electric bill.

Nice, right? It gets way better. These guys handed me a golden teaching opportunity on a chrome-plated spinner, yo. All the kids know the station and half of them worship it. And here I was, with the class's full attention after a member of their crowd had just achieved his first encounter with literary notoriety. So I took my Slim Shady chance and danced my words out:

"Brandon did this, not me. Brandon wrote 100 words and Brandon's words made something happen in the physical world. His words had the power to get me this award. So many times I have tried to explain why it is important to become skilled communicators and now, now you can see words in action!"

It was exhilarating, wonderful, f-ing amazing to watch all those minds behind all those faces get it. At that moment, the light of wonder and intellect fired around the room. It was a totally bitchin' experience.

To see the young writer's name next to mine, go to http://www.kluc.com/pages/1635063.php

Don't Chew on Non-Jews

I need to start an annual award for the best student malapropism. In the absence of any real motivation to do so, I will instead post them on this blog.

In this episode, we hear from a young lady, Miss H, who diligently tackled my research paper assignment. In an effort to limit peer-to-peer plagiarism and make endless grading more palatable, I assigned students to write an expository research paper on an event that occurred in the public arena within one week either side of the day they were born. Miss H chose Mr. Bobbitt's castration at the hand of his irate wife, Lorena. In her award-winning line, Miss H soberly reported that, "Lorena Bobbitt masticated her husband's gentile area." I was able to finally recover but H laid me out again with her closing paragraph, in which she concluded that, "men should not rape their wives and women should not masticate their husbands."

Advice we would all be wise to heed.