Perhaps you'd like to hear why I handed out the ass-chewing.

I don't feel like going into it right now.

I am in a funk. Not 1960's-Motown-Funk-with-capital-F, and not a dude-you-reek funk either. This funk is the kind that sticks and pulls: the kind that drags and sucks and slowly crushes. Some of my students sensed it. One girl, who dropped by after the last bell for some clarification on an assignment, looked at me, paused for a half second, and said, "Mr. Rice, you're not going to leave us, are you?"

No, I'm not going to leave them. I wonder, however, just where I am in the new-teacher continuum. Is my funk common at this stage? I thought I would have this gig down by now. Instead, I am behind the other ninth-grade English teachers whose students are generating wonderful little essays in MLA format and plowing into illuminating discussions about the nature of man as reflected in literature. I still have not finished introducing the elements of fiction or even gotten into a structured approach to essay writing. Most of classes are failing to even turn in assignments and I have the wrestling coach breathing down my neck to figure out some way to get his boys to pass so they can compete. I can see how some teachers either opt out or cave in.

On the other hand, I have a group of kids who start rolling into my room at 0600. They are a mix of all four grade levels and usually end up hanging out and listening to music, discussing the books they are reading, and generally socializing. Today we discussed Eliot's "The Wasteland" and "The Hollow Men," and listened to "Time Warp" and part of "The Boondock Saints" soundtrack. Most of these students are interesting, if a little naive, and have an eagerness to grow and engage: an eagerness, if you will, to both be and become. They are both willing to teach and willing to learn. Predictably, they are some of the "scary" students: Mohawks, bondage pants, corsets, trench coats, unnaturally colored hair, and one who often wears an evil-Alice-in -Wonderland black skirt, stockings, and heels. Most write and draw and chase knowledge. Many of them have terrible grades.

They contribute to my funk not because of who they are but of the system that does not allow for the education we could give each other if allowed to simply take our informal, before school activity and make it the primary learning platform. Instead, they shuffle off at the bell to make their ritualistic rounds.

On the other hand, my funk is also fueled by students who would get absolutely nothing but a nap if I were to implement such a loose arrangement in my classes.