Watch Out for SASI, Sarah Connor

At 0600 this morning, I set the Civic on autopilot and blasted NPR for a thumpin' ride to Spring Valley High School. I'm back on the "guest teacher" circuit and today I took some classes for a colleague. Striding the halls and jawing with so many of my former students made me feel like I might want to get back into the full-time high school teaching biz again. But not for long.

SASI?

Today was "count day" (say it like a camel), a ritual fraught with danger. Asses in chairs are important, because all those ass cheeks get ground into an algorithm up at the "Ed Shed" where they are then packaged into staffing and funding sausages.

This makes administrators anxious. If counts are too low, principals get less sausage, and despite what they say about watching it being made, sausage is pretty damn yummy.

Now, you might think counting would be a pretty easy deal. Each high school has a dedicated registrar and all the kids are counted from the moment their parents drag them in to the day they move to that new matrix of D.R. Horton fabs next to the half-empty strip mall. They are counted like convicts, every school day, every school hour. In fact, CCSD runs a Cyclopean piece of software called SASI to take care of this ass-counting business. To be fair, this monstrosity does way more than just take attendance. It tracks test data, stores transcripts, and yes, provides an interface for teachers to take roll at the beginning of every class. So you might think SASI would make count day button-push simple.

Nuke'em til they fund

Not so fast, overworked teacher. SASI's powers must be limited or need some sort of oversight because on "count day" (say it like a camel), every teacher in every room at every period must have every student sign a class roster.

In third period, teachers must note the number of students present, the number absent, add the two together, note this information on a slip of paper and wait for another adult to come in to double check the teacher's numbers and manually count each ass in each seat and then co-sign the slip of paper. At no time were any asses to be moved from seats during this process. This reminded me of loading B-61s on F-111s. Two-man concept, double check the switches, get ready to centrally heat the Warsaw Pact.

I can't explain why SASI can't be trusted. Perhaps it is really SkyNet.